I’ve also changed the blog theme, but the more I look at it the more I think Laurence LLewelyn-Bowen has been involved somewhere. I suspect this theme may change soon.

You know you are a true Scot if………..

Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall Street , St. Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.
Ye kin faw aboot pished withoot spilling yer drink.
Ye measure distance in minutes.
Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him in yer ain family.

Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.
You’ve been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.

Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, iron-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.

Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.

Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words;

how’s it hingin
clarty
boggin
cludgie
pished
get it up ye
wee beasties
erse bandit
amurny
away an bile yer heid
peely-wally
humphey backit
Baw-heid
Baw Bag
dubble nugget
And finally……

A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display case then
asks,

“Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?”

“Naw,” replies the butcher. “It’s jist ma haun’s ah’m heatin”

Good Things Bad Things

http://goodthingsbadthings.blogspot.com/

Unfortunately the second one is for invited guests only – must be good stuff (and bad stuff)

File under Good Things.

Baza in the province of Granada, Andalucia.
It pays to get off the beaten track once in a while although this exercise was more cost-driven than a desire to visit an area known as the Badlands of Spain.

Accommodation: A little cortijo on the outskirts of Baza.

Just a little bit nice!

Places:

Alhambra Palace

Early afternoon at the Alhambra. Snow capped Sierra Nevada in the background.

Baza

The Plaza Mayor in Baza. Very little English spoken here so you do need to know some basic Spanish to get by.
(Cerveza, vino etc)

Castril

Castril is a one of these whitewashed villages in the hills. This is the gorge walk at the bottom of the town.

Good Things

• Loch Lomond
  Spent the weekend at Inveruglas. Typical Scottish weather – sunshine and showers, but then it’s thousands of years of that weather that made the scenery. And the view was just a bit special.
  

  Loch Lomond taken from Inveruglas

  And all this just 45 minutes from Glasgow.

• Oban
  I’m somewhat ashamed to say that my first visit to Oban was this holiday weekend. Three sunny hours is not a long time to make a judgment about the place but certainly worth a weekend break in the future.

Bad Things

• One again it’s the Virgin Mobile call centre.
  I’m not sure exactly where it is; I have heard it may be Bombay.
  Suffice to say it was just so much easier switching to Vodafone.

Bad Things

• Merrylee Road
  The jury is still out on the Merrylee Road kitchen.
  Thirteen quid for a small sirloin steak, the greyest steak I’ve ever had.
  £2.50 for sides – so an extra fiver if you want fries and veg.
  Opted for fries only; fairly horrible and hard.
  Overpriced dining in black and white; maybe it’s a new concept.
  STRIKE 2!
  (Seems others are of the same opinion – Click here)
• Morrisons
  Now I know a store can’t inspect every bit of fruit and veg it puts on the shelves, but it was a case of one onion too many.
  How often do cut into an onion and …..
  
• Virgin Mobile Call Centre
  JESUS!

Good Things

• Merrylee Road Kitchen and Diner
  (but subject to the Bad Things below)
• Orchestra Seats
  Delightful little French film shown on BBC4
  The French have a knack of making the simplest of films good.
• City Slickers
  Okay, so we’ve seen it God knows how many times, but it’s still addictive.
  Favourite bit: Mitch Robbins (Billy Cristal) at a career day at his son’s school, foreseeing a bleak future for everyone there and sharing his own misery.
  “Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so quickly. When you’re a teenager you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, “What happended to my twenties?” Your forties, you grow a little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from highschool becomes a grandmother. Your fifties you have a minor surgery. You’ll call it a procedure, but it’s a surgery. Your sixties you have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn’t matter because you can’t hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two, lunch around ten, breakfast the night before. And you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate in soft yogurt and muttering “how come the kids don’t call?” By your eighties, you’ve had a major stroke, and you end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can’t stand but who you call mama. Any questions? “

Bad Things

• 10% pay cut
  Seriously bad.
  And while we’re on the subject of the sorry state of this nation, can somebody tell me WTF the government are up to?
• Merrylee Road Kitchen and Diner
  Okay, so the food’s pretty good and reasonably priced but the owner really wants to find himself a smile and a bit of charm. And the lager policy is a bit restrictive; ‘You can have anything as long as it’s Heineken’. This, believe it or not, is also the option for non-alcoholic lager. ????

Good Things Bad Things returns with a Good Thing / Bad Thing thingy.

The following is a list of the UK’s most unfortunate names; a good thing if your name isn’t listed and vice versa.

• Stan Still
• Helen Back
• Doug Hole
• Terry Bull
• Tim Burr
• Rose Bush
• Pearl Button
• Will Power
• Barry Cade
• Mary Christmas
• Chris Cross
• Teresa Green
• Ray Gunn,
• Jo King
• Sonny Day
• Justin Case
• Lee King
• Max Power

Stan Still was in the RAF.
“When I was in the RAF my commanding officer used to shout ‘Stan Still, get a move on’ and roll about laughing,” he said.

Not to be outdone the US have their own list where these take pride of place.

• Bill Board
• Anna Prentice
• Annette Curtain
• Carrie Oakey